I’m just sad, why can’t anyone see that. I don’t wanna do anything, okay? I’m just sad.
This is my tumblr. & no one here will judge me. This is my diary. I never write too much on a social website, but this is tumblr, & I need to now. I don’t care if someone reads this, it’s just a way of me releasing this pain without actually telling anyone. I’m so upset. I’m so broken. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. I just am. & no one sees that. No one knows how I’m hurting. I don’t let them. I wear a mask. I act as if I am fine, but surprise, I’m far from being fine. I’m terrible. I’m a mess. I’m just so screwed up, & everything is so screwed up, I cannot take it anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore. Nobody can hear my cries, nobody can hear me moan for help, yet, I don’t let them, I don’t want them too. Because if I wanted people to know I wouldn’t say “I’m doing fine, thanks!” When they ask how I am. I wouldn’t smile as if I have so many reasons to smile. Because I don’t. I just want people to help me, but I don’t wanna tell them that I’m not okay. I’ve always been stronger than expected. No one has EVER seen me cry for these reasons. It’s rare you see me cry, & if you do, the reason is something like; death, or a sad movie, or whatever. Not because I have emotions. I feel like I’m a robot that has no emotion on the outside. I keep a stupid smile that isn’t even real. Everyone thinks I’m this emotionless, unbreakable person, with a perfect life, because I never show ANY reason to be sad. But you know what. I am. I’m so sad. & I’m so angry. & guilty. & hopeless. My emotions are everywhere. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done. Why can’t anything go right? Why can’t we get the things in life that we want & need? Why is everything going wrong? I don’t understand where my life is supposed to be now. What am I supposed to be doing. I don’t get it anymore. I thought I did. I thought it was all going okay. I thought I had it all together. But I really don’t. Everything fell apart. & it hurts so bad.
I’m just a teenager, why should I be feeling this way?
Why should I be under so much pressure?
Why should I have so much stress?
These are supposed to be the most wonderful, carefree, reckless years. But they’re just complicated & painful. I hate this.